For the next couple weeks, I withdrew from the family. I started staying in my room all day. The only things I would really do with the family was eat with them and maybe go grocery shopping, which was rare. I missed my horses dearly, but everytime I looked at them, it reminded me of my first horse, which I lost because of my time in high school, and Spencer.
He seemed to come up in my mind a lot, and I had no idea why. Well, I had some idea why. It was our daughter, Eva. I would think of her and how much she looked like her father. The hair, the eyes. Almost everything about her was Spencer. It tore me apart inside.
Then one day, I couldn’t take it any longer. I stepped outside the confines of my bedroom.
“You know I only deal with you because you’re my blood too.” I sneered at Eva. She didn’t deserve it. I knew she didn’t. I just couldn’t help myself. “If you weren’t, you would have been gone long ago.
“Mom..You don’t mean that.” I didn’t. But yet I did.
“I’ll be glad when you’re gone.”
When Eva left for her work at the grocery store, I went to the graveyard.
“I feel so horribly, Mom! I don’t know what to do!” I sobbed violently at my mothers gravestone. We had taken it with me when the family moved here. I hadn’t seen the gravestone that much, but I loved being with my mother, alive or dead. I would always think to myself how much I wanted her here to help me, so we could be together.
I thought to myself that I wanted everything to be happy, and be a normal family. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
I quickly returned home, and set the furnace on fire.
I took little Rylie and went outside to the park. All I knew I had to do was wait, and return in a few hours. I had my alibi, my excuse. It was all planned.
I came home to an empty house. It wasn’t completely empty. Someone had left the furnace on and the house was burning. I ran into the house. We had to have a fire extinguisher. We just had to.
“Ouch.” I said to myself as another chair caught on fire, causing a flash in my face.
By the time I figured out we had no fire extinguisher, I had been blocked in. I stood motionless and emotionless for a moment before I started screaming.
“HELP ME! HELP! FIRE!!!!”
I cried out for help, but none came.
I came back to the house when I was planning to. I saw the flames through the window. I knew she was in there. I could sense it. Suddenly, I heard a scream. I was pulled out of whatever crazy mode I was in and ran in. A beam fell behind me. I knew instantly I was locked in.
I ran towards the furnace, attempting to not catch fire. It was useless, my hoodie almost immediately caught fire and spread quickly. I cried out in pain and attempted to put myself out.
“MOM!” Eva screamed at me.
I looked at her and noticed she was being buried by the flames. My heart ripped apart in my chest. How could I have done this? I saw her fall into the flames and ran over to her.
I pushed through and held onto her. I cradled my baby girl.
“I’m so sorry” I yelled through the crackle of the fire to her. I would have been soaked with tears if they weren’t being instantly evaporated by the heat.
As the fire started to run out of things to burn, I noticed my baby Eva wasn’t moving. My tears still didn’t come, I had no energy.
Realizing I was going to be next, and it was too late for Eva, I laid her down and moved to the wall to make myself comfortable. My thoughts raced, as I tried to think of what I would say if I made it out, though I knew it was unlikely.
My breathing became short. I could feel my heart and lungs practically giving up from inside of me and with my last few breaths, I closed my eyes, and gave in to what was fate.